It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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