I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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