He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
