Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize