So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize