I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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