At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
