Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alive.
So much puke
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
