Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
