Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
