4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
