I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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