I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
