things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
this hospital has no fireball
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
