I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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