If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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