wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
