I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its not stalking. its research.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
