No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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