I am spending my child support on dildos
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
