if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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