theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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