he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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