oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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