I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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