I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
