i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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