I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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