I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
