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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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