We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
