Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
