I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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