She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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