I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
