In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
