Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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