I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
