i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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