Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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