Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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