Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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