Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.