Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.