she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?