I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.