Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
only if we run a train.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen