Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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