He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
