Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
