I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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