I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
