Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize