I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
