Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize