There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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