Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
