so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
