im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
