I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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