Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
