He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
