Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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