1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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