Im at strip club and am horny
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You can't just leave with hair like that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
