I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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