3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
