a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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