please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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