When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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