I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
