1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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