I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
