walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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