I will die if light touches me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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