margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
