In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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