were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
