jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
