nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
