this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
